I'm going to jail i love you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
