So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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