I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
