but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
