I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
