Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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