You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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