don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
