Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
