1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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