I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
