D3 body, D1 cock
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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