you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize