Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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