I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
