Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
