I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize