Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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