Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There r osticjed everywhere
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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