Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
