That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There's even glitter on my cock...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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