I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
