This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize