I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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