i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize