do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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