He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize