my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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