I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
