I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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