just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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