I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
