It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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