Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
