DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
