Pregnant stripper...not hot.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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