Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
