is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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