"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
