I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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