I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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