The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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