The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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