I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
