We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
