she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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