I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
