I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize