remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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