Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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