Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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