someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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