had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize