I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
