he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
