not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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