My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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