Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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