Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
