she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
even my farts smell like vagina
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
