who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
