So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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