So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize