Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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