God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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