He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
