Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
