yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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