She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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