he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
