just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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