you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
